


ribs (it was friday)

by hellskitchensmurdock



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Hurt, M/M, Non-Binary Stanley Uris, Non-binary character, Stanley Uris-centric, Struggle with identity, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22291315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellskitchensmurdock/pseuds/hellskitchensmurdock
Summary: it was friday. except sometimes when its not. it doesnt make a difference to stan.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Stanley Uris & Richie Tozier, The Losers Club & Stanley Uris
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> hi. this was quickly written and edited. the complete lower case is intended. maybe one day ill write a planned fic but for now have this.
> 
> this is a modern day au with no pennywise. the losers are 17 and in their junior year of high school.
> 
> warning: struggle with gender identity.

it was friday again. it always came to friday eventually. it used to be a release, a break, he could recharge for the coming week. 

not anymore.

now it felt like every other day: something to drag himself through as he pretended he wasnt being crushed. 

it was friday again and richie and bev were attending yet another party the rest of them weren’t invited to. they didnt seem to mind, but he did.

he was missing out. he had never gotten drunk or high, never snuck out, never stood up high and let the wind blow his hair off his face. he had never gone on some grand adventure of discovery. instead, he spent his days at school and nights indoors studying for an end goal he no longer cared about.

it was friday again and stanley uris was once again missing out on the teenage experience (he added a trademark symbol to the end, laughing at how pathetic he was.)

•

it was friday again and eddie was joining them. he had started dating richie, so of course he was going to go to those parties with them.

those _stupid_ parties, he forced himself to think. of course, he didn’t really believe they were stupid as he craved to go. but he figured if he believed they were stupid that it’d be easier.

it wasn’t.

it was friday again and stan was studying again, continuously becoming distracted as he thought about the fun his three friends were having. taking shots. laughing. the lights making everything feel a little surreal. he craved the feeling of being lightheaded, leaning on his friends for support as he stumbled over his own feet.

he wanted to be stupid. he wanted to be with them.

instead, he gave up on studying and set up for a long night of watching netflix because why sleep when you don’t want to wake up?

•

it was friday again and it was the fifth week in a row richie, bev and eddie were attending a party. they barely hung out with him or ben or mike or bill anymore. 

they may be apart of the losers club, but they certainly aren’t losers anymore.

eddie had posted a series of photos on his instagram, he was smiling brighter than he ever had as his arms were slung around bev and richies shoulders, richies lips on his cheek.

he chalked it up to him being drunk. he ignored the voice telling him that he was happier away from him.

it was friday again when he seriously considered running away from his boring life as three of his friend partied and the other three were content with being at home.

he didn’t. not this time.

•

it was friday again when he watched the groupchat explode with messages. he didn’t have the energy to reply.

it was an argument: bill just wanted them all to hang out on a friday, that’s how it started. now it was three days later and the argument was still continuing.

bill, ben and mike who just wanted to see their friends versus richie, eddie and bev who had all moved on, but where too kind to admit it.

stan wasn’t in the middle, he was on the outside, looking in. his friends were falling apart and all he could do was watch.

it was friday again when he was curled in bed, tears slowly sliding across his face as the truth came out.

_CANT YOU BE GLAD WE ARE FINALLY POPULAR BILL? IM SORRY YOU DONT HAVE THAT, BUT CANT YOU BE HAPPY THAT WE DO?_

it was richie who sent it and no one replied. he didn’t follow up to apologise. but he knew it was over. 

(it was confirmed on monday, when richie, bev and eddie sat away from them at lunch.)

•

it was friday again when stan was in the school bathroom, feeling on the verge of tears. he had been going between the two groups of friends: he hadn’t been involved in the argument and no one was petty enough to force him to choose sides but it was warring him down.  
  
richie, bev and eddie acted as if they didn’t know if they wanted him there or not. bill, ben and mike acted as if he had chosen the other side.

he rinsed his face with water and took a deep breath. he didn’t know what to do and he didnt have the energy to figure it out. 

each day was harder and harder, as if he was surrounded by mud which was becoming increasingly thicker. he knew sleeping and eating properly would help, but he didnt care enough to do it. 

he wasn’t sure there was much he cared about anymore.

•

it was friday again and he was engaged in four different conversations. two were both sides of the losers, neither of which called the smaller group chats any variation of the losers club, which gave him hope.

the other two were on twitter, another two group chats, because he hated to burden the others with the shows and movies and bands he liked, but needed to get them off his chest. 

it was friday again and he was apart of four different group chats, four wildly different conversations and for the first time in a while he felt okay.

he was distracted, from everything. he laughed at the dirty jokes his internet friends sent him and the story from class bill was telling. he even found the anecdotes from richie, eddies and bev’s parties so funny he momentarily forgot about his longing to attend one.

it was friday again and maybe it would be alright.

•

it was tuesday when it wasn’t. tuesday morning, barely past twelve when he admitted something that he had been ignoring for years. that _they_ had been ignoring.

they sent a message to their oldest and most trusted friend: richie. 

_good morning, i hope you can forgive me for making you wake up to this._ because they knew richie, and if richie wasnt at a party he was asleep by eleven. _i just had to get it off my chest._

they weren’t sure if that was the best way to phrase it, but their heart was pounding and their eyes were difficult to keep open. they had one objective, tell richie the truth.

it was tuesday when they explained their thoughts, their feelings, the things weighing on the back of his mind, so predominantly yet so subtly but it doesnt matter because they cant explain it either way.

_so hi, im stanley, or stan, or whatever nickname you could possible think up. im non-binary and my preferred pronouns are they/them._

they finished typing. they went over the whole message, changing what they didn’t like with shaking hands. finally, they forced themself to send it.

it was tuesday when they fell asleep, feeling a little lighter. 

it was tuesday when they woke up to a string of supportive messages from richie tozier, the one person who had been beside them the whole damn time.

•

it was wednesday when they put _they/them_ into their bio on twitter. smiling in pride at their small accomplishment.

•

it was friday again when the longing for those parties returned. it had been a quiet night, full of inactivity and studying and now more than ever did they want to be drunk. or high. whatever.

they checked their phone again, checking for new notification when they knew there would be none. over and over and trying to distract themself with another tv show they loved but couldnt get into at the moment.

it was friday again when they werent bored of the show, just not in the mood to watch it. not in the mood to do anything.

it was friday again when they went to sleep the earliest they had in a long time.

•

it was friday again when everything weighed down on them. school work, friendship problems, tossing up the possibility of coming out on twitter, formally with a tweet and everything. 

just for their own benefit.

they let tears roll across their face again. embracing how they felt in an attempt to distract themself from the cacophony of emotion raging through their soul.

it was friday again when they couldnt believe there was a time when they couldnt feel so strongly, having convinced themself that they didnt care about anything at all. 

they were twelve, they didnt know they would be emotionless. or more accurately, mute their emotions to something more tolerable then the current whirlwind.

•

it was tuesday again when they came out on twitter. they got more supportive messages, full of hearts and positivity which made them smile.

•

it was friday again when everything went down hill again. they were behind on school and desperately didnt want to return. they felt trapped, living in a lie.

_oh god one day im going to have to tell my parents i can’t tell my parents they would say im lying what if other people think im lying too what if im lying-_

it was friday again when they couldnt stop thinking. about anything. about everything. 

_one day im going to be free to be me but what if im not what if im lying what if i die with like a brick strapped to my chest with unbreakable tape?_

it was friday again when their breathing was heavy. 

_i feel as though im lying to everyone in real life. but what if im wrong and im lying to everyone online?_

it was friday again.

_no im right. i am non-binary._

it was friday again.

_am i?_

it was friday.

_yes._

it was.

**_yes._ **

a mess.

_i wish i could forget again._


	2. part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chap, there’ll be one more after this.
> 
> warnings for chapter: drug use, mentions of suicidal thoughts (nothing graphic)

it was friday again when they wished they were high and decided to do it. they knew there was a drug dealer at the end of the street, everyone knew.

 _i’m just going to discuss prices._ they fooled themself as they stole four hundred dollar notes from their uncles secret supply. the one he wouldn’t touch again because he was dead and only stan knew about it.

_if i believed in signs, i’d be convinced the way everything is slotting into place was one._

it wasnt nerves making them shake, it was the cold. even with their hands in their pockets, the cold snaked it way through them. 

it was friday again when they ended the night with half a joint smoked and another few grams in their pocket. 

it was friday again when they felt better than they had in a long time.

•

it was friday again when they got an out of the blue message from mike.

_you okay? youve been quieter this week._

_im always quiet_ , stan replied.

_not this much._

they nearly told the truth, had half a message typed out confessing their deepest darkest secrets before deleting it in one go and replying with with two words instead:

_im fine._

it was friday again when they were high and read mike’s reply, _well im here if you arent. love you man_.

 _not a man._ sat in their replies until morning, when they deleted it.

•

it was friday again and richie, eddie and bev weren’t at a party. instead, they were with them, passing around a bottle of vodka. 

another was in bev’s bag, waiting to be opened.

“stanny boy is not so innocent anymore.” richie grinned, shaking them by the shoulder.

 _not a boy._ “yeah,” they said instead, with a slight chuckle and a lopsided grin.

it was not as good as the weed, but it would do.

it was friday again as they smiled. they were finally living the teenage experience. (they didn’t feel so pathetic putting the trademark symbol on the end, though that may be the alcohol.)

•

it was friday again when they were back to smoking weed, alone. this time they were on the roof on a skyscraper in the city next to derry. 

they had climbed up stairs of a random apartment building until they reached the top, where they decided to light the joint and lean on the brick wall surrounding them.

they couldn’t help but be enticed by how high they were. physically, not in a drug way. there was at least 12 storeys, definitely enough to-

it was friday night when they pushed themselves away from the edge, refusing to let that train of thought continue.

•

it was friday night and _what a surprise im high again._ mike had been noticing something was wrong: tired, quiet, less smiling and laughing, restless, agitated.

he never saw enough to truly piece it together, though.

yet he still checked up. constantly.

questioning looks at school, concerned messages. every time stan replied with the same two words: _im fine._

and every time mike would continue to check up. it wasn’t in an annoying, clingy, _im going to annoy you into telling the truth_ way, it was just simply mike being a concerned friend and checking up.

they realised, eventually, that every time their phone vibrated they would hope it was mike. every time that it was their heart fluttered.

something they couldn’t quite identify filled their heart every time mike smiled at them, hugged them, squeezed their shoulder.

it was friday again and they were high and slowly realising that they were falling in love with mike hanlon.

•

it was friday again and they realised it was becoming a habit. sneaking out once their parents were fast asleep and smoking.

on the roof, while walking the deserted streets, in their car.

as long as they were home by four in the morning. 

on the first friday of every month they bought enough to last. it was all perfectly calculated, and their uncles stash wouldn’t run out for at least two years.

they wondered what their uncle was up to, to have had so much money. and why hide it? only briefly, though, they didn’t think about much when they were high.

it was friday again when they realised they should stop.

it was friday again when they didn’t.

•

it was friday again when they were watching a movie with mike, ben and bill. they focused on the movie and mike, whose shoulder was nearly touching their own.

now with the movie paused, and ben and bill out of the room, stan rested their head on his shoulder, not thinking about mike’s response.

“hey,” he whispered, looking down at them with a massive grin on his face. stan smiled back, it not quite reaching their eyes.

“hi,” they whispered, eventually.

there was silence, as they looked into each others eyes. a long silence, them both waiting for the other to say something.

in the end, nothing else was said. mike leaned in, his eyes closed and stan instantly knew. they followed, allowing their lips to connect softly.

“dinner,” mike suddenly whispered. “tomorrow night?”

“are you asking me out on a date?” stan asked before they thought about it.

“interested?” mike shot back instantly.

it was friday again when stan’s smile reached their eyes as they replied “yes.”

•

it was saturday when they met up for dinner. it was a small restaurant that was known for their burgers and milkshakes.

they spoke, about everything and nothing simultaneously. until they got to the point that they both knew they had to reach at some point.

“what are we now?” stan asked, his voice quiet.

“i dont know,” mike replied. “i really like you.”

“i really like you too,” stan couldn’t stop the smile spreading across their face.

mike nodded and hesitated for a moment. “do you... want to be boyfriends?” he lowered his voice, sounding like a nervous 14 year old.

_not a boy. should tell him that._

“yeah.” stan grinned. “yeah i do.”

•

it was a wednesday when stan told him they were non-binary. it had just suddenly felt right, and they took the opportunity.

it was a wednesday when mike accepted them wholeheartedly, saying “this doesnt change how much i love you.”

•

it was friday again when they chain smoked three joints for no particular reason.

_i should be happy._

they didnt go home that night. 

_i have amazing friends._

their parents yelled at them for it, to the point where stan was crying and they were getting yelled at for that too. 

_i have an amazing boyfriend._

they realised they would never understand. they would never understand that sometimes people just arent happy.

_why arent i happy?_

•

it was friday again when they smoked a joint before school. they were alone, on the bleachers, sick of the way their leg would bounce, their head would hurt, the overall craving they had for it.

it was easier to give in, then to struggle through the pain.

they held the joint between their lips as they pulled out a binder from their bag. they had went unnoticed all these years because they kept their head down, stayed on top of work. that wasn’t going to change now.

they needed the anonymity more than ever now.

half way through the sheet, stan made the mistake of looking up. they saw mike, coming up the bleachers. there was a look on his face, one they couldn’t figure out the meaning behind.

it didnt matter though. not when they realised his mistake.

it was friday again and mike hanlon had just found them smoking weed.

it was friday again when mike told them “this doesnt change how much i love you.”

it was friday again when stan replied “you have a habit of saying that,” as relief washed over them along with willing to ignore mike’s silent plea for them to stop.


	3. part three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter, hope you all enjoy !
> 
> warning: drug use.

it was friday again when mike found them near the quarry, the beginnings of a joint between their fingers.

stan wasn’t up for talking, so they offered mike a smile which he returned. they sat in silence together before mike spoke up.

“are you going to stop?” he asked, barely above a whisper.

“maybe,” stan found themself answering.

mike nodded. “i love you.” he suddenly said.

stan’s heart fluttered. it did every time mike said those three words. they loved it every time.

“i love you too.”

•

it was friday again when an old group chat had a message. they had called it _The Losers Club_ and it had been inactive since richie, eddie and bev left.

_im sorry._

it was from richie. a second one followed.

_i got carried away, i realise that now. i never shouldve acted the way i did. i hope you can forgive me._

a message from eddie followed.

_im sorry too._

and one from bev.

_yeah me too. im sorry we lost sight of whats important: you guys and our friendship with you._

it was friday again when stan smiled, because maybe they would all be together again.

•

it was monday when the three of them came over to the table at lunch. bill, mike and ben had all replied saying they were forgiven. 

stan hadn’t opened the group chat since.

“hey guys...” bev said, a nervous smile playing on her lips.

the others smiled back, moving their bags out of the way to allow them to sit. stan kept their head down, focusing on highlighting notes in their history textbook.

“stan?” richie asked.

they looked up, eyebrows furrowed.

“you alright?”

stan nodded. because it was easier. because they were afraid that if they spoke all that would come out were sobs and _i missed you_ ’s. 

by the end of lunch, they were laughing more than they had in a long time.

•

it was friday when they were by the quarry again. this time, it was richie who found them. there was no doubt that mike had told him where they were.

“hey stan.” richie sat beside them.

“hi richie.” stan replied. it sounded dumb, but it was all they could come up with.

they brought the joint to their lips, taking a deep breath. richie watched as they blew it out. 

“how are you?” stan asked.

“good. you?” 

“good.” _liars. both of us._

“really?” richie questioned after a beat of silence.

“no.” stan said suddenly. “you?”

“no...” richie chuckled and shook his head. “i thought it was the fucking dream; being popular, liked, drinking every weekend... in reality it turned into me drinking to forget the way i regretted it all.”

stan nodded, understanding.

“i just...” richie continued, “i ended up feeling stuck in a trap where i was slowly dying and i couldnt keep living that way.”

 _and neither can i._

stan nodded again. without looking down, they stubbed out the joint. 

it was friday again when they knew they had to stop. and they were determined to. because, like richie, they didnt want to stay in the perpetual trap of slowly dying.

•

it was friday again when it had been two months since they had smoked and nearly three since richie, eddie and bev came back.

things were looking up. of course, there were bad days, but they were learning to reach out, rather than bottle up. it was difficult, and it had been the longest sixty days of their life, but they were truly beginning to feel better.

one thing continued to weigh on their mind. something that caused their stomach to clench. something they avoiding thinking about. 

but, despite the nerves, they believed it was time. 

they were ready.

they reread the typed out message. _hey, so theres something i need to tell you all. im non-binary. my pronouns are they/them._

they felt as though it wasn’t enough, but it was the best they could do. 

with mike by their side, they sent it.

it was friday again when they received supportive messages from their friends.

it was friday again when, for the first time in what felt like forever, they were calm.

it was friday again when everything felt okay.

it was friday again.


End file.
